dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
