i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
