I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
