My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
