I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If I die, sorry about rent.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
