My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
