Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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