just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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