Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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