I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
