I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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