she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
