So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize