I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
