I just cut my nipple shaving
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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