The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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