then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
