Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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