i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
