I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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