I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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