the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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