I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
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his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
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I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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