A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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