I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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