All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
