just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
