absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
