..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
