she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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