There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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