I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
