He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
