why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
