My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
