im about as happy as oj after his trial
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
