just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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