i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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