idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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