I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
