we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
