I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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