Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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