I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
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he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
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did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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