dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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