I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
