Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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