ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
