I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
