I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
