Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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