Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
