Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
