either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
