I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
