apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
