My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
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Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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