ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
of course. lets lasso hookers.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
