dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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