i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
