i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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