Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize