ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
